i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
