connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
