ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
