well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
