I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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