I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
