omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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