I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
