He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
