; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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