If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
