The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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