God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
