i just had sex bonerless
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
