If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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