She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
