well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
