So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
