Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
