Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
