once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
