he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
