i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
