I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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