You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
