i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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