So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just want to make out with him forever
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
