So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
