we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
accomplished twins. life is a go
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
