While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
