if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
