Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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