I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
it was like eating out sand paper
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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