i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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