question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
