The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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