dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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