Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
