We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
