it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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