I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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