I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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