i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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