OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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