bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
