Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i think i just lost a toe
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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