omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
