you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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