I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize