i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
my liver is dry heaving
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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