her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
