so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
