we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
