My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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