I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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