yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
