Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
