i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
In America we eat man semen.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
