porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have aggressive nipples.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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