i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
