Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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