I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize