i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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