Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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