he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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