Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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