Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
