Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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