and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
