Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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