Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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